I've made several attempts to write a conclusion to Matt's birth, but none of the versions satisfied me and it has honestly seemed like a burden to write. I'm not sure I'm totally ready to relive everything, and do it justice on paper. So when the time is right I will bring the 'draft' to life.
Matt is now 5 weeks old and growing like a weed. At his 4 week appointment he had put on 2 lbs and grew 2 & 1/2". Average weight gain is 1 lbs for 4 weeks, so that would explain why it feels like I'm ALWAYS breastfeeding him. I've started recording our day and it shows that he's eating every 2 hrs or less. So it hasn't been easy trying to do things... totally new way of life. And coming to terms with the fact that sleep is only going to come in small increments. It also hasn't been easy with Brent working a 3 weeks stint at work, but thank goodness for my mom, sister and grandma who have willingly watched him while I grab naps. We are rookie parents and trying to understand his cry, which usually can be cured with food/burps/diaper changes. He's a very content baby and changing so much already. Lifting his head, cooing and talking to us, and following us with his eyes. Everyone is always telling us how much he's changing already and I don't really like hearing that but even I can't deny the changes.
Training has slowly resumed...
Tonight was the third time Gauge and I hit the pavement; running for 30 mins straight and feeling pretty good, but not pushing things b/c I'm sure I'm not 100% inside still. Biking, as much as I can't wait to try out the new wheels, hasn't happened yet. Again more b/c I don't want to do anything that could end up really hurting me. Perhaps next week. A few weight session and pilates here and there (when time and sleep would allow). When Brent is off on Thursday I'm hoping to have more of a schedule and get these in first thing in the morning.
And on another front... Harvest is starting. Paused at the moment actually b/c of the inch of rain we got today, but the swathers are out and peas are already coming off the fields. We don't have any peas, just canola and wheat... Shannon that seat on the combine is waiting for you!!!
26.8.08
17.8.08
Conclusion
July 21 (time becomes something that isn't tracked, or just runs together...)
After getting off the phone w/ my mom I called Brent's parent's and told them they had a grandson then I waited to hear that ever anticipated cry from the nursery.
I laid there by myself not really wanting to remember the past few hours, and in quite a bit of shock. I was still shaking really bad, and the headache was not going away. A nurse showed up and hooked me to an IV and gave me pirkiset and caffine pills, explaining that my headache was a spinal head but didn't offer me much more information about what it was and I didn't think to ask.
Finally I heard Matt's cry. I knew that it was him, but still didn't want to believe it for sure until it was confirmed. Finally Matt's Doctor came to the room to tell me he was doing just fine after he worked on him for quite a while. We were going to have to leave him in the incubator for a few hours, but he was doing well. Brent remainded in the nursery to keep him company. Finally my Mom, Dad and Kendra arrived and we went down to the nursery to see him. It caused me a lot of pain to be sitting up right so I didn't last too long before heading back to my room. It was just such a releif that he was going to be okay.
I called my sister Sabrina to tell her she was finally an Auntie and had a nephew!
Sabrina, Dylan, and Grandma Garton finally arrived just after we finally got Matt from the nursery, so we got to share our first moments with him and everyone else. Dylan wasn't too sure what to think of him. I think he was trying to figure out how Auntie Megan's baby got from her tummy to the really world.
The rest of the day was full of visitors, figuring out how to breastfeed, and loving our litte guy. We had an intersting first night and didn't catch a lot of sleep, but that was expected.
16.8.08
Part 2
Life has been busy taking care of Matt, (which somedays requires an over whelming amount of time, energy, and patience). And finishing the rest of his birth story has seemed even more over whelming most days. We had a REALLY bad night last night and neither of us fell asleep until 6:30 this morning... only to have Gauge wake us up at 8 am. Now on my 5th wind...
July 21 Midnight
I'm rolled into the delivery room and the nurses get everything set up while Brent and I mentally prepare for the next stage of craziness. My epidural is now stopped, but I doubt that they have turned it off in time, I can now feel my feet and parts of my upper body, but I still don't feel any contractions, or need to push. In fact the mid part of my body is completely w/out feeling. Jan and Charlie take a break to have supper/lunch/breakfast (whatever you would call it when you work night shifts), and Brent and I savor the last moments of "just us".
1:00 am
Jan tells me that when I feel the urge to push, I should. The only difference I notice w/ the contractions now is my pubic bones (which had given me such grief in the last month of pregnancy) are really sore. I have absolutely no urge to push, so Jan tells me that she's going to tell me when a contraction is happening and it's time to start working the baby out. Brent ends up getting way more involved then he indented (his original thought is to never venture lower then my neck- since other peoples blood makes him queezie), as he is holding one of my legs back, (and can see EVERYTHING), Charlie has the other and Jan is pushing against my nether region and i try to push against her. Jan tells me right away that I'm going to tear... which is just great to hear. The nurses and Brent all make bets when the baby will be born. Brent places his wager on 2:25 am. The next hour I make huge progress and by 2:00 am the baby is crowning and Jan makes the call to Dr. Naude to come to the hospital.
2:07 am
Dr. Naude arrives... I could never be an obstrition! He takes over from Jan and right away asks me if I want an episiotomy or to tear naturally. Everything I had read said it is best to tear... so I tell him I prefer to tear. Apparently this baby is bigger then my body can handle! So I try to focus and push as best I can; but I honestly can't tell what I'm doing and if I'm doing it right. Hold my breath, don't push through my legs, focus, focus, focus... it's all too much. the room becomes chaos as other nurses I've never seen before are in and out and some stay for the show. They are distracting my nurses and I have to watch the machine and tell them that I'm having a contraction... It's really upsetting and if I had the energy I would yell at all of them to get out, but I'm way too focused on Dr. Naude... he keeps getting a more and more serious look on his face, and isn't saying anything at all. Soon the put a O2 mask on my face and after another contraction the take the baby's heart rate monitor off my stomach and insert one in me that attaches to his head. It's very apparent that something is wrong w/ his heart rate even thought no one tells us- we don't have to ask. Another contraction later, and I'm trying my hardest to get him out, Dr. Naude tells me I have to get him out soon. With the next contraction I push with all my might but immediately his heart goes to zero. Dr. Naude tells me that he's cutting me, the baby has to come out. I feel no burning ring of fire... and soon the baby's head is out. Everything is so surreal after this point. Dr. Naude apologizes to Brent and the next thing I know he is cutting the cord off of the baby's neck. He tells me to push again and I do but he pretty much pulls the baby out himself.
2:24 AM
The baby is out and we can clearly see that it is a boy (a Huge surprise as we were convinced it was a girl)! They place him on the scale, 6 lbs 10 oz, and Brent struggles to get the camera out and take a picture. Dr. Naude works on the placenta delivery (which comes out w/in 5 minutes of the baby; I was under the impression it could and would take a lot longer and more work), but it pretty much just slipped out of me. As he works on me he informs me that the baby isn't breathing properly and will have to be rushed to the nursery and placed in an incubator. The baby is gasping for air and definitely not crying like a new baby should. I am starting to cry and loose control b/c I can't even see him at this point. There are 3 nurses working on him at the baby station. Dr. Naude tells them that they should let me see him and a few of them get out of the way. Brent gets to cut the remainder of his umbilical cord. They wrap him up and place him on me for 30 seconds, that go by way too fast. I stare in disbelief at our son, and cry and kiss him- he's then take away. I tell Brent to go with him and never let them take him out of his sight. Which leaves me still on the delivery table with Dr. Naude and Jan. Suddenly the chaos is over.
3:30 AM
Dr. Naude takes over an hour to sew me back up. In between my tears I ask him how bad things are down there. He tells me it's a partial 3rd degree tear. Not that it really matters, I just want to see our baby. He finally finishes sewing me up and the get me a wheel chair. I tell them that I want to go to the nursery, even thought they want me to go to bed instead. Once I finally get to the nursery I get to really see the baby for the first time and Brent, which is such a relief. This is when I start to notice that I have a really bad headache as well as "the shakes". Another Dr. is working on the baby to try and get the mucous out of his lungs and throat; he still hasn't "cried". I ask Brent what he wants to name him and he isn't sure. The couple names we had picked out just don't seem to be right... not that anything seems right. Out of no where the name Matthew comes up. One we never even thought of before. Brent decides it's perfect. My headache now feels like a full out migraine. I get a nurse to wheel me back to my room so I can lay down and she gets me something for the pain. our room isn't far from the nursery so I lay there with the door open waiting to hear Matt cry.
4:00 AM
Laying alone in the room becomes too much for me as I try to process everything that has just happened in the past couple hours. And knowing that everything still isn't right with Matt. I call my mom and tell her that she has a new grandson, and that he's struggling. She tells me that they are on their way.
to be concluded...
July 21 Midnight
I'm rolled into the delivery room and the nurses get everything set up while Brent and I mentally prepare for the next stage of craziness. My epidural is now stopped, but I doubt that they have turned it off in time, I can now feel my feet and parts of my upper body, but I still don't feel any contractions, or need to push. In fact the mid part of my body is completely w/out feeling. Jan and Charlie take a break to have supper/lunch/breakfast (whatever you would call it when you work night shifts), and Brent and I savor the last moments of "just us".
1:00 am
Jan tells me that when I feel the urge to push, I should. The only difference I notice w/ the contractions now is my pubic bones (which had given me such grief in the last month of pregnancy) are really sore. I have absolutely no urge to push, so Jan tells me that she's going to tell me when a contraction is happening and it's time to start working the baby out. Brent ends up getting way more involved then he indented (his original thought is to never venture lower then my neck- since other peoples blood makes him queezie), as he is holding one of my legs back, (and can see EVERYTHING), Charlie has the other and Jan is pushing against my nether region and i try to push against her. Jan tells me right away that I'm going to tear... which is just great to hear. The nurses and Brent all make bets when the baby will be born. Brent places his wager on 2:25 am. The next hour I make huge progress and by 2:00 am the baby is crowning and Jan makes the call to Dr. Naude to come to the hospital.
2:07 am
Dr. Naude arrives... I could never be an obstrition! He takes over from Jan and right away asks me if I want an episiotomy or to tear naturally. Everything I had read said it is best to tear... so I tell him I prefer to tear. Apparently this baby is bigger then my body can handle! So I try to focus and push as best I can; but I honestly can't tell what I'm doing and if I'm doing it right. Hold my breath, don't push through my legs, focus, focus, focus... it's all too much. the room becomes chaos as other nurses I've never seen before are in and out and some stay for the show. They are distracting my nurses and I have to watch the machine and tell them that I'm having a contraction... It's really upsetting and if I had the energy I would yell at all of them to get out, but I'm way too focused on Dr. Naude... he keeps getting a more and more serious look on his face, and isn't saying anything at all. Soon the put a O2 mask on my face and after another contraction the take the baby's heart rate monitor off my stomach and insert one in me that attaches to his head. It's very apparent that something is wrong w/ his heart rate even thought no one tells us- we don't have to ask. Another contraction later, and I'm trying my hardest to get him out, Dr. Naude tells me I have to get him out soon. With the next contraction I push with all my might but immediately his heart goes to zero. Dr. Naude tells me that he's cutting me, the baby has to come out. I feel no burning ring of fire... and soon the baby's head is out. Everything is so surreal after this point. Dr. Naude apologizes to Brent and the next thing I know he is cutting the cord off of the baby's neck. He tells me to push again and I do but he pretty much pulls the baby out himself.
2:24 AM
The baby is out and we can clearly see that it is a boy (a Huge surprise as we were convinced it was a girl)! They place him on the scale, 6 lbs 10 oz, and Brent struggles to get the camera out and take a picture. Dr. Naude works on the placenta delivery (which comes out w/in 5 minutes of the baby; I was under the impression it could and would take a lot longer and more work), but it pretty much just slipped out of me. As he works on me he informs me that the baby isn't breathing properly and will have to be rushed to the nursery and placed in an incubator. The baby is gasping for air and definitely not crying like a new baby should. I am starting to cry and loose control b/c I can't even see him at this point. There are 3 nurses working on him at the baby station. Dr. Naude tells them that they should let me see him and a few of them get out of the way. Brent gets to cut the remainder of his umbilical cord. They wrap him up and place him on me for 30 seconds, that go by way too fast. I stare in disbelief at our son, and cry and kiss him- he's then take away. I tell Brent to go with him and never let them take him out of his sight. Which leaves me still on the delivery table with Dr. Naude and Jan. Suddenly the chaos is over.
3:30 AM
Dr. Naude takes over an hour to sew me back up. In between my tears I ask him how bad things are down there. He tells me it's a partial 3rd degree tear. Not that it really matters, I just want to see our baby. He finally finishes sewing me up and the get me a wheel chair. I tell them that I want to go to the nursery, even thought they want me to go to bed instead. Once I finally get to the nursery I get to really see the baby for the first time and Brent, which is such a relief. This is when I start to notice that I have a really bad headache as well as "the shakes". Another Dr. is working on the baby to try and get the mucous out of his lungs and throat; he still hasn't "cried". I ask Brent what he wants to name him and he isn't sure. The couple names we had picked out just don't seem to be right... not that anything seems right. Out of no where the name Matthew comes up. One we never even thought of before. Brent decides it's perfect. My headache now feels like a full out migraine. I get a nurse to wheel me back to my room so I can lay down and she gets me something for the pain. our room isn't far from the nursery so I lay there with the door open waiting to hear Matt cry.
4:00 AM
Laying alone in the room becomes too much for me as I try to process everything that has just happened in the past couple hours. And knowing that everything still isn't right with Matt. I call my mom and tell her that she has a new grandson, and that he's struggling. She tells me that they are on their way.
to be concluded...
7.8.08
Matthew Blair Elliott
So this post will most likely be over the course of a few days as I grab a few moments here and there. Matt is already a couple weeks old and that kind of makes my heart sink a little bit that time is going so fast. Everyone keeps telling me how much he has changed already and that again breaks my heart. I love this little guy so much- and that also makes my heart cringe... I asked Brent one night if he knew how much his mom loved him or how she must have felt when he was born, as I was having a bit of an emotional moment and crying over Matt as I held him as tightly as I could, overwhelmed with how much I loved him.
Back to the original reason for this post...
July 20, 2008
Brent and I were just at home killing time waiting for this baby to come. I was getting really anxious because I was going to be induced in 3 days. My anxiety got the best of me that morning as I gagged and downed some Castor oil (which tasted like drinking a candle)... hoping to avoid being pumped full of artificial hormones. My mom had gone 3 weeks over due with me and i was pretty sure I would be the same with this baby. Besides the terrible after taste from the Castor oil I felt no different all day. In fact it was a very ordinary day with some house work and I was even so ambitious I made Brent some banana bread.
5:00 pm I noticed what I believed to be contractions... I didn't want to get too excited just in case they weren't. I went downstairs to Brent who was trying to get his fill of computer games b/f the baby arrived and told him that I could "possibly" be having contractions.
5:10 pm I went back downstairs to Brent b/c suddenly things were getting painful and I couldn't handle standing up (Yes it went bad that quickly!). He brought up a website that monitors contractions and started measuring how far apart they were while I "tried" to relax and breath through them and let my uterus do what it's made for.
8:00 pm things are quite painful now and relaxing isn't happening at all. My legs shake uncontrollably through each one which is now lasting over 60 sec and are 3 min apart. Brent manages to squeeze in supper and I call my mom. She tells me we should head for the hospital soon. In between contractions we get everything organized. With each contraction fluid is leaking out of me, which I didn't realize my water had broke, but the baby's head is so low that it can only squeeze out around it when a contraction is happening. I am in a lot of pain with each contraction... and it's nothing like I had read or been told. I do not feel my uterus contracting, and neither am I having back labor... it's just an overwhelming pain, which only becomes manageable through moaning and trying to breath deeply.
9:00 pm We finally leave the house for the hospital. It's a 5 min drive and I have 3 contractions on the way. They are horrible and really hard to breath through trying to sit in a truck. The worse was getting one while we are waiting for a family to go through a crosswalk. I can remember thinking... how has that woman managed to go through labor 3 times??? When we get to the hospital the lady at the check in desk takes her sweet time and I have another contraction at the desk in front of all the people waiting for the emergency room. Brent grabbed a wheel chair and we took the elevator up to the second floor... stairs were completely out of the question. About 5 other people get on the elevator with us and I pray I don't have another one during the ride. We get to the mat ward and are taken to a room to evaluated. I have another contraction while trying to get out of the wheel chair and changed into a gown. This one was TERRIBLE. I was managing the contraction laying on my side, but now I was hooked up to the non stress test and forced to lay on my back... It was the worse position to try and get through the contractions. Our nurses introduce us and Charlie, (who is a girl), is my shift partner's cousin who has known I was pregnant and told to watch for me, and the other, Jan, used to work with Brent's Auntie Vivian. Vivian had run into Jan a few weeks before and told her that she was going to have a great niece or nephew soon and to keep an eye out for us. Both nurses are very warm and caring, Charlie is just a student, and Jan is a real spit fire who calls it like it is. We told them that I didn't want an epidural, but Jan, being very wise in her years, tells me to labor over the toilet for a little while after she checks me and finds my water is broken and I'm only 2 cm dilated.
9:30 pm After 20 excruciating minutes of trying to labor over the toilet and contractions only 30 seconds apart, my spirit for natural birth is broken- I tell Jan that I do want the epidural. She checks me again and I've gone to 6 cm in those 20 minutes... but I am having a real hard time handling the pain; with the contractions so close they have to give me some drug to make me goofy so I can lay still for the epidural. I can still feel all the pain but now can some how remain still for the needle. The epidural takes effect very quickly and soon I feel nothing. They check me with an ice pack to see if I can feel cold and before long I can't even feel the ice pack when they place it on my neck. The only way I can tell I'm having contractions is by keeping my hands on my stomach and watching the monitor... we watch the one that measures the intensity of the contraction go all the way up to 135 (not really sure what the number stands for). Before the epidural the highest the number went to was 115... can't imagine how painful these contractions would be.
10:30 pm I am totally relaxing now and sleeping while I have the contractions. Things right now are easy. It's a really strange feeling- knowing how close we are to meeting this baby and having our lives change! Brent goes and gets our stuff out of the truck and calls our parents to tell them that everything is okay.
11:30 pm Jan comes and checks me again and I'm fully dilated; I expected to take way longer now that I had the epidural. They turn the drugs off so I can start feeling things again when it comes time to push, and make me get up and walk to the bathroom to try and pee. I can't feel nothing and keep lifting my left leg like I'm walking up a stair, but in my mind I'm trying to shuffle like they asked me. Brent finds this hilarious!
Little guy is waking... To be Continued....
Back to the original reason for this post...
July 20, 2008
Brent and I were just at home killing time waiting for this baby to come. I was getting really anxious because I was going to be induced in 3 days. My anxiety got the best of me that morning as I gagged and downed some Castor oil (which tasted like drinking a candle)... hoping to avoid being pumped full of artificial hormones. My mom had gone 3 weeks over due with me and i was pretty sure I would be the same with this baby. Besides the terrible after taste from the Castor oil I felt no different all day. In fact it was a very ordinary day with some house work and I was even so ambitious I made Brent some banana bread.
5:00 pm I noticed what I believed to be contractions... I didn't want to get too excited just in case they weren't. I went downstairs to Brent who was trying to get his fill of computer games b/f the baby arrived and told him that I could "possibly" be having contractions.
5:10 pm I went back downstairs to Brent b/c suddenly things were getting painful and I couldn't handle standing up (Yes it went bad that quickly!). He brought up a website that monitors contractions and started measuring how far apart they were while I "tried" to relax and breath through them and let my uterus do what it's made for.
8:00 pm things are quite painful now and relaxing isn't happening at all. My legs shake uncontrollably through each one which is now lasting over 60 sec and are 3 min apart. Brent manages to squeeze in supper and I call my mom. She tells me we should head for the hospital soon. In between contractions we get everything organized. With each contraction fluid is leaking out of me, which I didn't realize my water had broke, but the baby's head is so low that it can only squeeze out around it when a contraction is happening. I am in a lot of pain with each contraction... and it's nothing like I had read or been told. I do not feel my uterus contracting, and neither am I having back labor... it's just an overwhelming pain, which only becomes manageable through moaning and trying to breath deeply.
9:00 pm We finally leave the house for the hospital. It's a 5 min drive and I have 3 contractions on the way. They are horrible and really hard to breath through trying to sit in a truck. The worse was getting one while we are waiting for a family to go through a crosswalk. I can remember thinking... how has that woman managed to go through labor 3 times??? When we get to the hospital the lady at the check in desk takes her sweet time and I have another contraction at the desk in front of all the people waiting for the emergency room. Brent grabbed a wheel chair and we took the elevator up to the second floor... stairs were completely out of the question. About 5 other people get on the elevator with us and I pray I don't have another one during the ride. We get to the mat ward and are taken to a room to evaluated. I have another contraction while trying to get out of the wheel chair and changed into a gown. This one was TERRIBLE. I was managing the contraction laying on my side, but now I was hooked up to the non stress test and forced to lay on my back... It was the worse position to try and get through the contractions. Our nurses introduce us and Charlie, (who is a girl), is my shift partner's cousin who has known I was pregnant and told to watch for me, and the other, Jan, used to work with Brent's Auntie Vivian. Vivian had run into Jan a few weeks before and told her that she was going to have a great niece or nephew soon and to keep an eye out for us. Both nurses are very warm and caring, Charlie is just a student, and Jan is a real spit fire who calls it like it is. We told them that I didn't want an epidural, but Jan, being very wise in her years, tells me to labor over the toilet for a little while after she checks me and finds my water is broken and I'm only 2 cm dilated.
9:30 pm After 20 excruciating minutes of trying to labor over the toilet and contractions only 30 seconds apart, my spirit for natural birth is broken- I tell Jan that I do want the epidural. She checks me again and I've gone to 6 cm in those 20 minutes... but I am having a real hard time handling the pain; with the contractions so close they have to give me some drug to make me goofy so I can lay still for the epidural. I can still feel all the pain but now can some how remain still for the needle. The epidural takes effect very quickly and soon I feel nothing. They check me with an ice pack to see if I can feel cold and before long I can't even feel the ice pack when they place it on my neck. The only way I can tell I'm having contractions is by keeping my hands on my stomach and watching the monitor... we watch the one that measures the intensity of the contraction go all the way up to 135 (not really sure what the number stands for). Before the epidural the highest the number went to was 115... can't imagine how painful these contractions would be.
10:30 pm I am totally relaxing now and sleeping while I have the contractions. Things right now are easy. It's a really strange feeling- knowing how close we are to meeting this baby and having our lives change! Brent goes and gets our stuff out of the truck and calls our parents to tell them that everything is okay.
11:30 pm Jan comes and checks me again and I'm fully dilated; I expected to take way longer now that I had the epidural. They turn the drugs off so I can start feeling things again when it comes time to push, and make me get up and walk to the bathroom to try and pee. I can't feel nothing and keep lifting my left leg like I'm walking up a stair, but in my mind I'm trying to shuffle like they asked me. Brent finds this hilarious!
Little guy is waking... To be Continued....
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